Princess Relucent

There lived a young lady whom the citizens of the kingdom called Princess Relucent, which seemed to her exactly right. After all, the lady had at least a teaspoon of blue blood in her veins--that much was sure--and she supposed her name was somewhere in line for the Throne. Of course Princess Relucent always deported herself properly for a royal person. One day her father learned that the prince of a far kingdom sought a bride. So he sold the last of his treasures--though her family was of royal blood they had fallen upon hard times--to transport Princess Relucent and her dowery to meet the young man, for she was quite fair. Now the highway that Princess Relucent traveled became more and more rocky with larger and larger rocks. Suddenly, one of the carriage's wheels broke with a great crash. “You there,” Princess Relucent called through the small window behind the driver, “what has happened?” “Sorry m'lady, but we's broked a wheel.” “Well don't sit there like the fool you are, fix it!” “Your father didn't give tools to carry along b'cause your baggage filled all the carrying space. We'll 'ave to take the broked wheel and ride to the nearest smithy.” “Are you saying we shan't continue until you get the wheel repaired?” “I do believe that's what I says, m'lady.” “Well ...” Princess Relucent was nearly lost for words, “... of all the stupid, lazy, incompetent, low-born drivers Father might have hired, you are no doubt the worst. This is unacceptable!” “I'm sorr--” “You shall prepare the best horse for me to ride, and be quick about it.” “I needs the best 'orse for the broked wheel, b'cause it be 'eavier than the both of us.” “You forget your protocol, driver, for you are speaking to One of Royal Blood. You shall be suitably punished. Prepare the horse, I tell you, or it shall go the worse for you.” The driver unhitched both horses, removed the broken wheel and secured it to the harness of one horse, then threw his carriage blanket over the other, for Princess Relucent's convenience. “Your 'orse is ready, your 'igh-ness.” Princess Relucent was so pleased to hear of the driver's progress, and his more respectful manner that, as usual, she failed to notice his sarcasm. He opened the carriage's door, but when Princess Relucent prepared to step out, she noticed the damp earth where her slipper would alight. “Driver, where is your blanket? I must have it to step onto, or I'll soil my slippers.” “Sorry, your 'igh-ness, but you says to prepare your steed, so I does it. The blanket is on 'is back, await'n your ... self.” Princess Relucent looked up, past the driver to the blanket-clad horse, and her eyes grew two-sizes larger. “The blanket is on the horse ...” “As I says, mum.” “With no saddle! Surely, even one as stupid as you can't expect a Royal Lady to ride without a saddle.” “It's not as if we've got one along, mum.” “I'll have you flogged within an inch of your life, you lazy man! First you embark on this dangerous journey ill-equipt, then you continue forgetting your protocol. What am I to do ... tell me, man!” “It seems as you 'as two choices, 'igh-ness. You can set astride the 'orse like regular folk, or you can wait 'ere whilst I get the wheel r'paired.” Princess Relucent thought at length, but neither option suited her, for she was entirely used to getting her way. Finally she said through clenched teeth, “You shall make me comfortable here and proceed with all haste to the nearest smithy.” And so he did. When the clip-clop of hooves finally awoke Princess Relucent, for she had fallen fast asleep, lengthening shadows told her the hour was late. Assuming the sound came from the returning driver's horses, she began reeling off her best nastiness as she poked her head out a window. But instead of the driver, a wizened old man wearing a monk's habit approached. At the sight of him, Princess Relucent closed her mouth to dam up the hatefulness that was pouring out. “Hello young woman,” said the monk with a quizzical expression. Without a second thought, Princess Relucent addressed the monk in the tone she felt suitable to her station. “You there. My name is Princess Relucent, and you will address me with the deference due my station.” “Oh, yes Your Highness.” He slid off his donkey and bowed low at the waist. “I beg Your Royal Clemency, Highness, for my stupidity. Any fool would see that You are of Royal Blood.” Princess Relucent beamed. “Well, I suppose I will grant mercy this once, for I am gracious to a fault. Now, kindly give me your donkeys that I might continue to the next kingdom, for I am to be wed, you see.” “O Your Highness, might this humble wizard address Your Majesty?” Princess Relucent beamed even more, nearly damaging her neck for her nose's high attitude. “Granted.” “O Your Highness, if you please, my poor name is Merlin, and my magical powers, though pitiful compared to Your Majesty's, are well known. Has Your Majesty heard of me?” Princess Relucent's eyes grew three-sizes larger, for indeed she had heard of Merlin, the fabled wizard. “O Royal Magnificence, Your kindness to Your humble servant deserves all that I can do as recompense for my miserable manners. Is there any favorable spell that I might, with my slight powers, work for Your Excellency?” Princess Relucent smiled her most beatific smile. “Yes ... I will try to think of some trivial favor you might work for me.” Princess Relucent thought and thought. Then her eyes brightened and she said, “Are you able to make me even more beautiful than I am?” Merlin pounded his chest in atonement. “O Exquisite Highness, my powers are not those of a god, to improve upon perfection. But I will happily do my best. Might You desire that I should also work another spell? For if I prove able to do the impossible, there is much more that I might do for Your Highness.” Princess Relucent's eyes grew even brighter. “Why, yes, I believe there is something. Make my beauty last, unchanged, forever.” Merlin smiled modestly. “If I am able to do the impossible, granting such a request should be simple. Would there be anything more for Your Loveliness?” Princess Relucent stroked her chin in thought. “Make my fortune such that I shall never be in need.” “Done, Your Elegance. And ...?” This time she thought at length. Finally, to make herself appear more humble, she added, “Make me a shelter for those less fortunate, who live on the land.” “You are, of all, most generous, O Royal Beneficence. Of course I will do that for Your Highness.” With that Merlin stood, blank-faced, for a long time. Eventually, Princess Relucent's patience ran short. “Is there a problem, Merlin? You haven't moved since you granted my requests.” Merlin bowed low again. “Oh, a thousand pardons, Most Royal Princess. I have simply been remembering my conjuring books, gathering a list of materials I will need to work my spells for Your Highness. And with Your Royal Sufferance, I am ready to assemble those materials. What I need to work my spells must belong to Your Majesty. And it must be by way of a small treasure, but certainly nothing more than a pittance of Your Majesty's fortune. Has Your Majesty anything on hand with which I might work my spells?” Princess Relucent frowned, thinking of her dowery, locked securely in the boot of her carriage. At length, she nodded, and demurely passed the key to Merlin. “Take what is in the boot, but if I am not satisfied, you shall return it all to me at once.” Merlin took the key and bowed low. With the help of his cane, he limped to the boot, opened it, slid the chest out to examine its contents, and smiled. Then he limped back to his donkey, removed the blanket on which he had been seated, and placed it on the ground outside Princess Relucent's door. “It will be enough. Now, if Your Highness will favor Your servant to descend from Your royal carriage and stand proudly erect, I will work my spells.” Princess Relucent thought it an odd request, but she stepped to his blanket and stood tall. “Now, Your Highness, please smile to show Your perfection, that I might attempt to augment it and make it immortal.” So that she did. “And only one thing more. Your Highness's right hand might be raised as if blessing Your subjects.” So she did that too. And Merlin withdrew a black, velvet pouch from his bodice, opened it, poured a small amount of its shimmering dust upon his hand, held it to his lips, and blew it on Princess Relucent. She stood, still as a statue, with only her eyes moving, but very quickly. Gradually, Princess Relucent's gown began changing from its royal purple to the color of marble, and that color began radiating outward toward its fringes, and beyond, to her exposed flesh. When the change reached her feet, it continued into the blanket on which she stood and it became a heavy, marble base. And when the change finished with the tiara upon her head, Princess Relucent's green eyes slowed to a stop, and the color faded into the same marble that now comprised her entirely. Merlin sadly gazed down at the base that had once been his riding blanket and sighed. “I shall certainly miss that blanket.” Then he hurried, without a limp, back to the dowery chest, hauled it to his second donkey, and secured it to the pack. Finally he rode off, whistling a merry tune. The next morning, the carriage's driver returned with the repaired wheel, and when he spied Princess Relucent standing there with birds perched upon her tiara, he chased them off, saying, “Be gone with you! How disrespectful.” Then he mounted the wheel, hitched up the horses, and with great effort, heaved Princess Relucent backward into the carriage and closed the door. Finally he drove back toward home. Princess Relucent's father shook his head with amazement when he opened the carriage's door and saw his marble daughter. Then he looked to the driver and said, “What of the dowery chest?” “Why, it's gone sir.” Princess Relucent's father scratched his head for a moment, then said, “Well, all's not lost. This should fetch a fine price from the statuary merchant.” And so it did, for it was the most beautiful and realistic statue he had ever seen. When, after a long while, a rich nobleman happened to find Princess Relucent gathering dust and bird droppings in the statuary yard, he called the merchant over to make him an offer. “My good man, this is the most remarkable statue I've ever seen. But for the eyes being four-sizes too large, it would be perfect.” And so the nobleman bought Princess Relucent and placed her in his garden, where her base became a shelter for the ants and worms of the land.